Jokes, Time for a laugh.

[Sam.]

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Oof, that is rough!

[The Stig]

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Oof, that is rough!

The Captain Morgan’s or the Spam shotty :laughing-rolling:

[dans.brew]

Who won this?

[The Stig]

We did t see the end but my guess is he did, but he probably served 10 to 15

[The Stig]

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[bluc]

Lmfao

[The Stig]

On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher.
The florist’s son handed the teacher a gift.
She shook it, held it up and said, “I bet I know what it is – it’s some flowers!”
“That’s right!” shouted the little boy.
Then the candy store owner’s daughter handed the teacher a gift.
She held it up, shook it and said. “I bet I know what it is – it’s a box of candy!”
“That’s right!” shouted the little girl.
The next gift was from the liquor store owner’s son, Little Johnny.
The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking.
She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it.
“Is it wine?” she asked. “No,” Little Johnny answered.
The teacher touched another drop to her tongue.
“Is it champagne?” she asked.
“No,” he answered.
Finally, the teacher said, “I give up. What is it?”
Little Johnny replied,
“A puppy!”

[Wellsy]

Pissed myself laughing, much like the puppy lol

[RuddyCrazy]

In parochial school students are taught that lying is a sin. However, Instructions also advised that using a bit of imagination was OK to express the Truth differently without lying. Below is a perfect example of those teachings:

Getting a Hairdryer Through Customs.

An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her,
'Father, may I ask a favour?' '

'Of course child. What may I do for you?'

'Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday.
It is unopened but well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it.
Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Hide it under your
Robes perhaps?'

'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.'
'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first. The official asked,
'Father, do you have anything to declare?'

'From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.'

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to
Declare from your waist to the floor?'

'I have a marvellous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'
Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father.

[EziTasting]

:laughing-rolling:
Exceptional!

[The Stig]

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[Doubleuj]

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[Doubleuj]

248B3CE9-C4CF-4D28-B0EB-8E1B39FAD7F7.png

[The Stig]

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[The Stig]

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[The Stig]

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge... : ‟I should be in charge,” said the brain , ‟Because I run all the body‘s systems, so without me nothing would happen.”‟I should be in charge,” said the blood , ‟Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you‘d waste away.”‟I should be in charge,” said the stomach,‟ Because I process food and give all of you energy.”‟I should be in charge,” said the legs, ‟because I carry the body wherever it needs to go.”‟I should be in charge,” said the eyes, ‟Because I allow the body to see where it goes.”‟I should be in charge,” said the rectum, ‟Because Im responsible for waste removal.”All the other body parts laughed at the rectum And insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood Was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.
The Moral of the story? Even though the others do all the work.... The ass hole is usually in charge

[Doubleuj]

:laughing-rolling: :laughing-rolling: :laughing-rolling:

Hmm, who’s in charge of the forum... :teasing-nutkick: :laughing-rolling: :laughing-rolling:

[The Stig]

Hey Sam, he’s calling you names :teasing-neener:

[RuddyCrazy]

Hey Sam, he’s calling you names :teasing-neener:

Which part then and I hope you didn't mean the asshole :laughing-rolling: :laughing-rolling: :laughing-rolling:

[Sam.]

Hey Sam, he’s calling you names :teasing-neener:

Asshole is one of the least offensive things I have been called :laughing-rolling: